CastIron Frying pan
by purplecatgirl
Summary: Buffy meets a silver-haired teenager one night, running from something terrifying, immediately, she thinks it must be a monster. She actually gets a crazed girl with a cast-iron frying pan. she is after "Gilbert" and has ransom. *warning: gilbird harm*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: alright, I'm not sure how this will go, I've only watched 3 or 4 episodes of Buffy in season 2. tell me if anything is drastically wrong. Also, do vampires have shadows? please, enlighten me.**

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Buffy walked down yet another dark street, listening for footsteps. Since it was nearly midnight, he figured that anyone wandering around was either homeless, or a monster. She turned a corner and headed for the docks, wondering if there was any smuggling that might earn her a night's work. Instead, she heard the footsteps she was waiting for, and got into a fighting position. Instead of a Vampire, however, she got a tall, silver-haired teenager wearing a red sweatshirt pushing past her.

"Sorry, gotta go!" he yelled, looking absolutely terrified.

Buffy tensed, looking where he had come. She prepared herself for a fight, knowing that what terrified the other teen must be really dangerous, probably bloodthirsty, and- another teenager appeared, this time a girl. Jeez, was it fieldtrip night or something? The girl had long, dark blond hair fanning around behind her, and was _swinging a cast-iron frying pan? _Buffy, having swung a cast-iron frying pan herself many times, wondered what on earth possessed the girl to do something like this. Must be an Ex-girlfriend, or something.

She was standing, staring at the girl, when she yelled:

"Gilbert! Get your lazy, un-awesome butt back here this instant! Oh, hi." She had noticed the slayer standing there in confusion and slowed down to greet her, in a perfectly normal way, considering what she had been yelling a moment ago.

"Ummm…Hi" she answered, still confused

"Sorry about that, I just _really _need to catch that guy. He needs a little disciplining" she grinned menacingly and stroked her frying pan.

"Yeah okay, so…" Buffy looked for a distraction, and found one waddling from where the teen had run off.

"what's that little yellow chick doing here?" however, instead of calming down the insane girl, this observation seemed to make her even more insane. Her grin grew, and she crept up to the chick… and

BAM!

She slammed the frying pan down as hard as she could, ignoring Buffy's shocked cry.

"Oh, its okay" the girl reassured "this particular bird is pretty tough. I now have ransom!" she scraped the frying pan off the concrete and towards her, then grabbed the little chick with a triumphant hand, earning a shocked "nyo!" from the little bird.

"By the way, my name is Elizabeta, call me Elizabeth, or Lizzie, and you get a frying pan your way. And if you see any tall, silver-haired teenagers that call themselves Gilbert, or The Awesome Me, give me a call. Bye!" she dashed off in the direction the teen of matching description.

Buffy, deciding that her head was reeling enough, went home and went to sleep.

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**How was it? should i continue, or throw it off a cliff?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Loooooooong Author's Notes!!! (I have a feeling that people skip them anyway)  
A/N: I have finally gotten off of my lazy butt and updated.... even though I am mad at Word's spell check for thinking that Iggy should be Figgy... I mean, first dissing Sealand, now this? What is life coming to??? So, What else to say? Ummm... despite having worked on a Mac since I was 5 (ish), I have finally learned how to make "Little accent thingies" on the computer. (by this i mean Héderváry and such...) So i have finally figured out that if you pretend that you are important enough, you can dedicate the chapter to someone! So therefore this chapter is dedicated to Matthew(not Mattie) and M'Wife, T'no (who doubles as Elizabeta in my mind)**

**here 'tis folks: Chapter 2: Al and Iggy arrive…**

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The next morning, Buffy walked down the halls of Sunnydale High with her usual friends.

Minus one.

"Where's Xander?" wondered Willow absentmindedly.

"I dunno, he was here a second ago..." Buffy answered.

Just then, Xander came running up to them.

"Hey! Sorry I'm late, guys! I just met this new girl, Elizabeta, she moved here a week ago, and man, she is-"

He was interrupted by a frying pan flying out of nowhere and thunking him on the head, making him collapse on the floor, moaning about his hair.

"What were you saying about me?"

"Elizabeta! We met last night... Buffy, remember?"

"Oh yeah, I remember you! You helped me catch the Gilbird!" the Blond-haired girl responded excitedly, and without any explanation as to what "The Gilbird" was for those that weren't there to see the little bird. She then turned to Willow and introduced herself.

"Hi, I'm Elizabeta Héderváry, I moved here from Hungary last week, and I will be joining you in your lovely high school experience."

Willow smiled shyly and said:

"Ooh! Hungary? Your English is so good!"

Elizabeta smiled.

"Yeah, English was taught as my second language, because I used to live here when I was seven, but I moved back to Hungary after a while."

Giles joining their group interrupted their friendly, if not slightly awkward conversation.

"Good morning Buffy, Willow, Xander, Miss Héderváry." he nodded to them each in turn.

"'Morning Giles." they chorused back to him, Except for Elizabeta, who looked confused.

"How did you know my name?"

"Oh, don't worry, word spreads very quickly among staff, especially when there is a new member." he smirked, waiting for the inevitable reaction.

"THERE'S A NEW STAFF MEMBER?!?!" they all shouted. There was hardly ever a new staff member, and when there was, the other teachers usually announced it in advance.

But it didn't seem as if Giles was giving any hints. No, he seemed quite content in making them wait until English class...

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Buffy sat down for the last class of the day: English. This class was always the easiest, their teacher being rather lax and assigning them only a book to read or a writing assignment.

Sitting next to Willow, she set her notebook down and waited for their teacher to come in.

He didn't come.

Who did come, however, was a short man who looked to be about in his early twenties, twenty-three, perhaps?

Anyway, he was wearing a stuffy looking collared shirt and a dull green vest. He had dark blond hair and the HUGEST eyebrows EVER. Buffy heard Cordelia, who had just sat down beside Xander on Buffy's other side, giggle a little.

A boy in the back of the class called out:

"So, are you a new student or something?"

A short explanation: when the class was teacherless, politeness was fleeting, if present at all.

The man was so short; the guy must have mistaken him for a student. Or maybe boys lack observantness in general... "Excuse me? I am your new teacher, so I wouldn't recommend calling out too much, because according to the principle, I now have the power of detention"

He said detention like it was a good thing, Buffy whined in her head.

"Why did our other teacher quit?" the same boy called out from his desk in the back.

"I will ignore the fact that it is none of your business and tell you that your past teacher felt that there wasn't enough time in her life to relax, so she retired on the prospect of spending the rest of her days in Paris." He wrinkled his nose.

"Not that anyone would want to stay in that filthy city anyway…"

'Was he a xenophobe or something?' Buffy wondered absentmindedly.

The Teacher shook his head slightly, as if to clear it of all thoughts of Paris and it's horrors, and started again:

"Now, from what I have been informed of, I understand that your last teacher was very ah, relaxed about this subject." She realized only then that he spoke with a sharp British accent.

"Well I am here to tell you that if you don't learn the language of English properly, you will never go anywhere in life. I will not accept _AMERICAN_ in any of your works. That means proper grammar, and no '_like, dude_, or_ totally_' as you people say."

He spoke the word American like it was an insult. Wow, why was he even in America, if it was such a bad thing?

"Oh, and I forgot to tell you: My name is Arthur Kirkland. I do come from England, before you ask any more stupid questions." She could tell that the statement was aimed at the entire class, but he looked pointedly at the boy in the back that kept calling out.

The rest of the class continued similarly. Buffy was bit unsure of what to think of Mr. Kirkland. She was glad that she finally got a good English teacher:by the time he was done with her, Giles would never be able to correct her grammar again... But he was the grumpiest teacher she had ever met. He gave them HARD TIMES to read.

I mean, what was wrong with him? They had read that last year, and it was the most boring book EVER. Besides, who wants to read it twice?

AND they had to write a super-long report on it. Buffy shook her head in a similar fashion to that of Mr. Kirkland earlier, and walked into the library, greeting Giles at the front.

"Hey."

"Oh, Hello, Buffy. How did you like Arthur as your new English teacher?"

Buffy groaned.

"Why didn't you warn me? He is making us read Hard Times AGAIN and he didn't smile the whole class. He is the grumpiest teacher I've had since kindergarten! And even the grumpiest teachers usually smile on the first day just to make a good impression..."

"Ah, that good? Arthur is an old friend of mine, and I do admit he isn't that good with first impressions... He was having a pretty bad life, so he wrote to me, and I suggested that he come here to take a little vacation-"

"-And it was a good thing too"

They both jumped slightly as the aforementioned man walked into the library to join them.

"All my so-called friends were bothering me nonstop.... So this is Buffy Summers? Rupert told me quite a lot about you," He continued.

"'Guess everyone in life gets the parental instincts once or twice. You're lucky that you got a nice kid hanging off your arm, my-uh-son, annoys the hell out of me all day, he supposed to have moved out ages ago, but bursts my door down every eff'in morning, and won't stop calling me-"

"IGGY!!!! IGGY!!!!"

A young man, Buffy presumed he was yet another new student, (They seemed to be having a flood of them these days) ran into the room, brown bomber jacket flying off his shoulders, boots thumping on the ground. He skidded to a halt in front of their new English teacher, practically bouncing off the walls.

"Damn it Alfred! I thought I escaped you after that business meeting in Moscow!!!"

Besides swearing alot, a practice supposedly prevented in High School, Arthur acted as if this guy was a crazy stalker or something. The Student really didn't seem all that bad.

"Nope, Iggy! I decided that since you were taking a vacation in my home country, it just wouldn't be the same-"

"Let's leave them to it... This could take a while..." Giles led a once again very confused Buffy out into the hallway, leaving the pair to shout things out, or perhaps just strangle eachother and get over with it.

"Forgive Arthur, he practically wants to kill his "son" sometimes... It can get quite violent."

Buffy, looking a little apprehensive, asked:

"So, how old is Mr. Kirkland again?"


End file.
